hey girls, this blog hadn't been updated! this is a testimony of Bob who was living a lie for almost his whole life!! But with God, the impossible is possible!!! =D


Fifty years ago, I started living a lie, a lie that was perpetrated by professionals who believed what they said.

These professionals said that I would never mature to become a functional adult. My parents, based on this information, passed on that lie and as soon as I reached an age where I too, could believe that lie, I did.

The lie was that I was retarded both physically and mentally as a result of an illness at 18 months of infancy. I believed that lie, I lived that lie and I dreaded that lie. Yet in my heart I felt that I wasn't retarded. Yet my living environment and those around me believed it. I had some very large issues with low self-esteem because I was a living lie. For many years these issues tended to create poor judgment in the choices which I made in life; this all simply seemed to lead to yet more lies and deception.

By the time I was old enough to understand the concept of God, I hated God for allowing me to be retarded, and many times I would ask him in prayer to cure me of my physical and mental disabilities and when he didn't, I asked for release from this life. He refused, so I sought to take my own life. I hated everything around me, school, teachers - who unfairly mistreated me - fellow classmates - who would tease and taunt me, and even my mother who I always thought couldn't understand my needs. I even came to hate my own siblings for joining those who teased and taunted me. I lived in a world where being called a retard, or 'crooked face', describing my deformity, would push me into a realm of fantasy where I was better than all of them.

I was living a lie that I was never going to achieve good grades, I was never going to be productive as an adult, and the professionals said it would be more humane if my parents just put me in an institution before it was too late; Otherwise lets not give the kid any hope.
I thank God that my parents refused to follow this course of action. Of course at the time, thanking God was far from my mind. Living a lie prevented me from realizing the truth regarding God. Once this lie was planted in me, I was being robbed of any happiness in life and the knowledge that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

But John 3 :21 says,
"But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God."

As long as I believed in the lie, and lived the lie, I was forever kept in the dark about God. As long as I believed that I was like my father, seen as a worthless no-good bum, my mother's favorite curse when I failed to achieve or live up to her standards, I acted and behaved like a worthless person.

Therefore I lived many years as a youth and young man facing depression, suicide attempts, unemployment, and making all the wrong choices, which lead to serving jail time for the most stupid activities as a young man. And after my third jail term, I learned what those lies were and who was the breeder of these lies.

As a child I had an introduction to church life, mostly on a voluntary basis. My parents where not ones to attend, nor required it of me to attend, but I chose to attend when possible to find some comfort in my life. I was made aware of sin, and every day of my life I knew I was a sinner. Romans 7:18; "For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find"

The lie which I was living was preventing me from reaching a relationship with Christ and the lie kept me in a sinful life and made it nearly impossible for me to redeem myself with God. Ephesians 1: 7;
"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace."

My sins were both of the body and the mind. I sinned against God by believing that I was worthless, a sin of the mind, and my attempts to kill myself were lies that told me I was worthless and not worthy to live, a sin of the body to destroy the temple God had made.

1 Corinthians 3:17;
"If any one defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are"

The sins of the flesh ruled my daily thoughts and led me down the paths of immoral and carnal acts; all because I believed a lie that I was worthless, lies that started at my birth, lies others labeled me, and lies that my own low-self esteem bred in me. It wasn't until a visiting Pastor came to my jail cell that I learned who was the originator of these lies. John 8:44 says,
"You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it."

I was not the creator of these lies, I was only the vessel to carry these and all lies just like we all are until we become joined to Christ! I had to empty that vessel of lies and fill it with the love of Christ. Mark 2 22;
"And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine bursts the wineskins, the wine is spilled, and the wineskins are ruined. But new wine must be put into new wineskins."

I needed to become a new man, putting aside the old cloak of sin and putting on the armor of God. Ephesians 4:22-24;
"That you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind. And that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in righteousness and true holiness."

Ephesians 6 10-17 adds this;
"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of the age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14. Stand therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR WASTE WITH TRUTH, HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, 15. and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; 16. above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17. And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
(emphasis mine)

So I learned that as long as I wanted to believe that lie, then the lie would continue to fester and destroy all my hope. Titus 1:2 says;
"In hope of eternal life, which God, who cannot lie, promised before time began."

After that Pastor left my cell, I opened up a Bible that was left in the cell. It was like a torn and well-worn tomb and since my soul was imprisoned in a tomb of lies it was a welcomed friend in my misery. For the first time I read the Bible cover to cover and for the first time I was getting a better understanding of who was planting these lies and what I needed to do to about them. I had to apply Scripture to my life and take the "ultimate step". If there is a command to be obeyed, I had to obey it! John 3:36 says,
"He who believes in the Son has everlasting life; and he who does not obelieve the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him."

If there was a promise to be embraced, I had to embrace it and lay hold of it for what else did I have? Hebrews 10:36;
"For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise."

If there is a warning to be followed, I had to heed it, just read the first four verses of Jude! I did not want to be as those Jude writes about who turn the grace of God into licence to disobey or like those who subvert the gospel of Christ; I wanted to face up to the Gospel's truth and to act upon it!

Romans 12:2;
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

I had to accept Christ in my life. I was reborn again in that cell, knowing what Christ had done for me, and the price he paid for my sins. John 16:24; "Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask and you will receive, that your joy may be made full."

1 Timothy 1:15;
"This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief"

Now we all know what promises we make when in prison and unless we are sincerely repentant and allow Scripture to transform us, prison religion lasts only as long as you are confined behind bars. Once we are out, we soon forget what we had promised. I regret I was no different then most. Yet, I did carry with me one thing that I took with me from that jail cell: Hope! Hope that I could defeat the lies that I had grown up with. God does not tell us that our transformation will happen overnight. Acts 14:22;
"Strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, 'We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God."

1 Corinthians 15:58;
"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord."

1 Peter 5:10;
"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you"

1 Corinthians 10:13;
"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, so that you may be able to bear it."

Though it may seem at times that we are at the end of our rope, God does give us a way out, and He does not make us suffer more than we can endure. Even though we may think we suffer beyond our limits, God does give us strength. Faith is how we walk and regardless of the trials and tribulations we may still face, we know that our faith in God will lead us through these trials and tribulations.

I had to learn where this faith comes from. I had to seek the Word of God for my strength and walk a walk of faith. Yet, like a newborn babe we need regular sustenance, taking the Word of God as milk at first and in due time, as we mature, taking the stronger and deeper 'meat' of the Word of God. Yes, the time arrives when we do need to move on to maturity. Hebrew 5:12-14;
"For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. 13. For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. 14. But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use, have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil"

Now I would like to say that my transformation was smooth and seamless and the years that followed were without struggles. I would like to say that God's blessing poured like rain on my head. But it did not happen that way, neither - I am convinced - does it for the majority. The lies that I had grown up with had obviously made an impact and my walk was hindered by thorns and pebbles that turned to boulders, to cause me to stumble. 2 Corinthians 12:7 should be a comfort to us here;
"And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure."

I still fight daily with depression and low self-esteem issues. With every gain I made in my relationship with God, the lies seemed to actually grow stronger in me. For the originator of these lies does not want me to have an honest and pure relationship with God. He knows that once I turn over completely, my transformation and complete surrender to God would gather pace. The lies would then forever be erased and have no further power over me. Acts 26:18 says;
"To open their eyes and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who are sanctified by faith in Me."

I stand here today to tell you that the lies of my youth, the lies that have crippled me emotionally and robbed me of a loving relationship with God are no more. I refuse to believe in them anymore. I give no power over them to ruin my life, nor rob me of my ministry with God. You may wish to put all lies and denials behind you too; if they tell you that you can't have a relationship with God, they deny the truth.

As a youth in the sixth grade, after repeating 3 grades, I learned to read proficiently, improving my grades beyond my wildest dreams. But I was robbed of my blessing by the lies of those who claimed that it meant nothing. Therefore I allowed my self-esteem to falter. Then when in High School, I had been able to skip my junior year and graduate earlier then planned, I was again robbed of my blessing by lies that said it was nothing. Therefore I allowed my self-esteem to falter once again.

And when I was baptized, I was robbed of my blessings by lies that said it meant nothing. Lies that kept me in depression both of the mind and the spirit.

When I was married, I was robbed of the blessings God wanted for us as a couple in his church by the lies that claimed I was not worthy of this woman. I was divorced. And when I was in ministry, serving God's homeless and hungry, I was robbed of my blessings, by believing lies again. I lost my ministry to these lies. When I lost my mother to the Lord, because of the lies, that others said I was the cause of her death; all the years of trouble I had caused her since my birth. I was robbed of any blessings knowing that she had received the Lord in her later life and through her walk and mine we had learned to forgive the bitterness between us.

And when late in my own life, I returned to college to redefine my course in life, I proved that the lies of my youth were wrong when diligently and with a CPA of 3.48 I earned my Associate in Applied Science. Proving not only to myself the lies where wrong, but proving to the originator of these lies that he can no longer convince me that I was retarded or that I was that kid who run from the teases and taunts of his youth. One by one, the lies have been defeated and my self-esteem issues are better to deal with. I have a clearer understanding of God's plans for me and why he allowed me to run this gauntlet and win victory over the lies of my youth.
1 Corinthians 9:24;
"Do you know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you can obtain it."

Once we defeat the lies which tend to gather around us and which tend to deny the abilities which God Himself has given us for His glory, we can receive our blessings from God as he intended for us. Once we deny the devil's hold on us, we can have victory over his lies. And the biggest lie is that God is nothing and we are nothing to him. I beg to differ with any who think that! God is everything to us and we are everything to him, for He gave His only Son so that we may have a relationship with Him right now with eternal life to come.

The Word of God, is infallible and does not contradict itself, if there is a command to be obeyed, we are to obey it. If there is a promise to be embraced, we are to embrace it and lay hold of it. If there is a warning to be followed, we are to heed it and that means refusing the lies of the devil. And the ultimate step is to submit to Scripture and let it transform you.

Come forward and accept Christ into your life, rid yourself of the lies that have robbed you of God's blessings for you. Roman 8:38-39;
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39. nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
By Disciple Bob Vergeson.

~Chryssa out~